Having the idea is the same as doing the thing, right?

I think I lost confidence right after the spam commenters hit. Felt disconnected, like I couldn't register anything of interest. Then I went to The Alfred for a $5 steak with Avi and it all turned around.

First, because my pay didn't go into my account at precisely the expected moment, I didn't have the $5 to pay for my steak. Thanks, Avi. You know where I live. Then we ran into Avi's friend, Craig. He used to be the manager at the Southern. Now he works at an Irish pub in the city. While Craig is ordering his steak Avi says that it used to be a lingerie bar. Craig doesn't hear. Craig has just returned from visiting his girlfriend in the US. He says he liked it. Americans weren't as bad as he thought they would be. Craig has salad with his steak but Avi and I just have mash. Craig says New York was hot, especially the subway. His girlfirend lives in Jersey. I feel like I live in a bad rock song.

When you buy a beer at The Alfred they give you tickets. The students next to me ask what the tickets are for. The bar guy says that there's an hourly draw and it jackpots to $1300. On the $5 steak menu it says that the jackpot is $3100. Maybe bar guy is dyslexic. Either way it's not challenged while we're there because no-one wins.

The afternoons are getting longer and Arabella and Skye come in to look at the sunset over that island where they used to film Water Rats. Intense orange at the horizon, like the mandarins on my desk. Silhouettes. Crazy palm tree shapes.

Later we sit on the balcony, drink a glass of wine and talk about how we think that having the idea is basically the same as actually doing the thing. Jo says thank god because otherwise she would have hardly achieved anything in her life. I agree because it means that I don't ever have to write the blog about The Bravery.

I text Andrew asking what I should wear to Lisa's wedding in Scotland. His reply: Tailored masculine suit, outrageous hat, red lips and vertiginous heels. I say it sounds a bit Celine Dion, what does vertiginous mean and I'm not sure. He says that people in the UK will realise it's inspired by Isabella Blow, wear it, it's a winner.

I think there'll be plenty of time to ponder the outfit and the wedding reading when we're hanging out in our apartment in Amsterdam listening to the juke box. Feel smug for having got passport application in with (several...actually three) days to spare. Time to go home.